GLXS need help to clarify doubt about: : British ex-pats now living in the Netherlands. Tell me your stories?
Why you left, how you found it, how is your life now etc
Try this:
Answer by Mizz G
I lived in The Hague from 2003-2005. Looking forward before I came, and looking back after I left, I think the Netherlands would be a nice country to stay in as an expat… a lot of history, cultural diversity, and attractions going on all year round, in close proximity to other beautiful countries as well. My boyfriend remembers NL as one of his favourite countries to live in. If I could forget about all my rotten memories in NL and start over again without getting myself into the mess I got into when I came there, I totally would.
NL started off as a backup plan because my studies elsewhere didn’t work out and a university in NL offered a far more interesting program. And so my dad encouraged me to go, said that Europe will make me appreciate my national identity even more and enrich me with experiences that English speaking countries would not be able to offer me. So I came to NL in my late teens without having any family or friends nearby and without knowing the language. All I wanted to do was to study well, normalise my life which had always been in a vacuum (I had spent most of my childhood literally living in a remote jungle island and teenhood going from boarding school to boarding school), and explore new opportunities that weren’t remotely even possible in my old life.
Trouble started when, in my first month in NL, my fellow countrymen didn’t like me, called me names and isolated me, and I spent most nights crying alone in my room. That’s when I hooked up with the only guy from my country who was kind to me in the beginning… but down the road ended up abusing me and I had to leave him without having made any good friends to support me prior to the breakup. My life got really messy then… He started stalking and terrorising me to the point that my landlords kicked me out, I was penniless and always afraid but too ashamed to tell others because I didn’t trust them enough, I worked a job I didn’t like because that was the only thing that gave me some sense of security, and my studies fell apart as I failed to show up when I needed to (because I was too ashamed to pick up the phone and explain what was happening behind closed doors).
Now if this didn’t happen, I think NL would be a pleasant place to live in and encounter life-changing experiences. Don’t let my story bother you, it wasn’t even a Dutch guy that did this to me. But NL can be a cruel place if situations like the one I went through take place. Someone once said that life is like a game of cards… you can’t really control the cards dealt to you from the deck, but you can choose to play them wisely. Sometimes winning the game is not always up to your skills and willpower but also subject to luck and destiny. It all happens for a good reason; losing the battle of one season doesn’t mean you can’t win the war of life.
If I could do it all over again, I would have been more patient with myself as I first settled, joined a lot of university clubs where I get to meet other expatriate students eager to be trained as young European professionals, waited until I adjusted more stably before I welcomed any romantic episodes, and just give myself more time to study this foreign country more properly. Then I would have looked forward to concentrate on my studies without having to worry about a lot of other problems, didn’t limit my friendships to my countrymen only (most who weren’t very kind to me anyway), worked more reasonable jobs and made more money, enjoyed immersing myself into the Dutch and various European art and cultural experiences, finished my studies successfully and returned home feeling that my stay was much more meaningful.
Just because it didn’t happen to me, doesn’t mean it has to be the same for you. My best advice is to not make yourself vulnerable as a newcomer in this country–prepare yourself well so that you have some emotional stability to rely on and enough information on everything to make wise decisions in all scenarios.
My dad was right, though. Life in NL, though bitter as it was, has made me appreciate my national identity even more and given me purpose in making my country a better place.
Plus, I met my soon-to-be husband in NL… in later episodes he turned out to be the only fellow countrymen who treated me kindly when my life became a living nightmare… and was still with me to share the happier episodes in later seasons. That’s another love story on its own.
I now live in Asia, have resumed my studies in my home country, living with parents and looking for jobs that match my professional skills and qualifications. After marriage I hope I get to return to Europe someday (most likely on a Magister or Doctorate scholarship), make right all the wrongs I went through, and experience the lovely things I had looked forward to encounter in Europe.
Anyway, good luck with living in the Netherlands! Make the most of your stay there and take care.
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